By Diana Hoke
‘Tis the season we pay our share of earnings to the government. Income tax time! Completing all the forms is unlikely to be an enjoyable experience, especially if you do it yourself, which is akin to pulling your hair out one strand at a time over the course of numerous dreadful hours of tax revelations. For many taxpayers, it’s a grim time. Money is the root of all evil, they say. But maybe it depends on how you look at it.
I was digging through my handbag one afternoon to find the new pair of sunglasses I had bought that week. I didn’t locate the sunglasses, but I did pull out a wrapped fortune cookie. And a second one. Oh, yeah, I remembered. Kung Pao Chicken carry out for dinner last week. The handwritten sign next to the register had been taped to a large plastic jar half full of fortune cookies that read, “Do not take Fortune Cookie until after you order.” In other words, said cookie was meant to be complementary with your food but only to the extent that you were honest about actually ordering food first.In this case, I had indeed ordered first, so I pocketed a couple of cookies with no intention of disturbing the social order that day.
At home that evening, I removed the rediscovered fortune cookies from my bag and placed one beside each of our plates. Max was done eating so he opened his first. I watched him read it, a small grin forming. “Get rich quick. Play the lottery!” he laughed.
I was still finishing my salad. I was also downloading an app for The Atlantic magazine on my phone. “Huh. That’s what a fortune cookie says?” My app was more important; this astute publication would at least enrich my mind if not my pockets. Admittedly, I ignored my husband’s good fortune advice, so he took his dishes to the sink and left me sitting at the dining table.
A few minutes later, I opened my cookie, snapped it in half, and held the tiny strip of white paper the only way anyone can hold news about to change their lives– between the thumb and forefinger of each hand. No one should hold a life changing event in just one hand. A fortune-cookie fortune simply won’t allow itself to be handled in a lesser manner. Life lesson.
Max was running water and clattering in the kitchen.
“Max, we need to go buy lottery tickets!”
“Why?”
“My fortune cookie! Listen to what it says: ‘Today begins your year of financial prosperity.'”
The running water and the clattering stopped. He laughed, “So maybe this is what we’re supposed to do! Go buy some lottery tickets!”
On that day, the largest jackpot in history was up to 1.6 billion dollars. The odds of winning such an astronomical amount of money in a lottery that huge are 292,291,338 to 1. That alone is a figure I cannot comprehend. Those are the odds of winning. One-point-six-billion dollars is the number of dollars one could win. Not even fathomable.
But the day did produce a lot of collateral response. Social media memes reproduced like rabbits:
“If I ever win the lottery, I’ll stay the same person I am today. My poor decisions, however, will become epic.”
“So far I’ve spent 50 bucks not to be a billionaire.”
“If anyone wins, this will be the one and only time you’ll see a billionaire get taxed accordingly.”
And then there was this vital information: “13 Crazy Things More Likely to Happen than Winning the Powerball Jackpot” according to northjersey.com news.
Here are a few:
- Be audited by the IRS, odds 1 in 160
- Get struck by lightning, odds 1 in 15,300
- Die from a venomous plant or animal, odds 1 in 44,459
- Experience an asteroid hitting the earth, odds 1 in 75,000
I wager most people who buy lottery tickets don’t consider these odds. But other odds do exist that are far superior and in your favor for getting a great deal of return on your money. Rather than buy lottery tickets with your tax return, donate or spend what you would have spent to–
- the Food Pantry. I’d say chances are 100 percent someone will have something to eat because of it.
- any of the other missions, all worthy, that our church supports.
- your child’s teacher to buy classroom supplies. Odds are that she or he will be over the moon to have it to spend on materials to help kids learn.
- buy blankets or stuffed toys to take to the animal shelter. A homeless pup or kitty will be more comfortable for it.
- buy cards of appreciation to send to health care workers who risk so much every day. A teacher, police officer, or fire fighter would be another worker whose day would be brightened by this.
- buy or build a Little Free Library to place in front of your house to support reading for neighborhood kids. For more info: https://littlefreelibrary.org/
- your local school’s art program, library, or music program, all whose budgets are reduced year after year.
- any of the charities on this top 30 list for 2022, from children’s charities to the best disaster relief charities and everything in between. These are nonprofit, vetted organizations. https://www.gofundme.com/c/blog/best-charities-to-donate-to
- tons and tons of other needs that exist in the world around you. You needn’t look very far.
This list is a good start, but I will caution. The financial “returns” of the above list will go to someone or something in need rather than into your pocket. That is not a bad thing, an excellent risk worth taking, immeasurably better than buying lottery tickets. But what you do earn in return profits are invaluable: a sense of “giving-gladness,” great joy, and peace of mind for spending your money wisely.
Odds are very low you will find a fortune cookie that reveals this kind of insider advice. You best look above and deep down for that. It’s complementary, no take-out order required.
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